Why this book? I prefer to simply share my experience, rather than try to sell you something. I consider the fact that you are reading this right now evidence that proves you are a smart person, because only smart people pay attention to me. You are an intelligent person with good judgement, so I will tell what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now, and leave you to make your own decisions.
I was in pretty rough shape...
I had been lying on my couch for about six days. Even the smallest movements caused a thousand needle sharp shards of pain to shoot through every fiber of every muscle, every bone, joint, and every cell of any other body part or organ I was unfortunate enough to be inhabiting at the time. At the end of the sofa was a television. It was left on the community channel 24/7 so I could watch the clock. On the rare occasions I slept for more than ten minutes at a time, I was claiming victory. I'd given up going to doctors with this where nothing was done, and I was treated as if I was faking. Being in need of a disability check can cause people to become suspicious.
I figured I was dieing and was perplexed at why it was taking me so long. I had heard a body cannot survive more than three days without food or water. This was day six, so I gave up on dieing.
I felt I was getting past the worst of it. This wasn't my first bout, so I knew that they passed. The pain, shaking, and weakness on my right side would remain, but not so bad that I couldn't stand up and take a few steps.
Across the living room was the computer my teen children had promised me free housework for life to buy. The last of the precious money I had from when I was working went on the purchase. It was worth it to hear them say they would help me clean the house.
When I was working, I considered the computer a waste of time best left to the children, but considerable time couch ridden in the same room as them had taught me enough to know how google something. I liked the YouTube videos they showed me.
I went to YouTube because I wasn't going to be able to sit up for long, and thought it might be nice to listen to something helpful while lying down. I searched "help me" and saw many versions of the Beatles song. That wasn't going to do it for me.
This is when I laughed at myself for remembering Tony Robbins in the movie Shallow Hal, and how he was the guy who could fix everyone's problems. I thought he was a joke. I needed a good laugh, so I searched Tony Robbins.
I watched a couple of short videos from the eighties and managed a chuckle. Like seriously, this goofy guy was going to solve my impossible situation? Lol, okay, I needed to get back to the couch. I found a long one, "Tony Robbins Seminar in Japan". I clicked on it and limped back to the sofa.
After lying there for a time, some of what he had to say was starting to make sense. I thought about how I had already tried every pill, therapy, twelve step program, and alternative medicine healing thing I could find, and I had given up thinking there was any help for me. Why not try this? What do I have to lose? I'm bored silly anyway, and my body refuses to die, so why not let this duffus entertain me?
I naturally began studying NLP (neuro linguistic programming) as this was what Tony had studied, and fell in love with the idea that maybe all of my problems were being caused by my own poorly programed brain. I taught myself to walk again, without a limp. I quit drinking. My health improved. For the first time in a long time I felt hopeful.
I wanted more so I googled Tony, called the number I found, and asked how much to buy one of his programs. It was over three hundred dollars. I told the nice young man on the other end of the line I didn't have that kind of money. I was surprised at how easy going he was about it and offered no sales pitch.
He just said "That's okay. If you go to your local book store and buy a copy of Awaken the Giant Within, that'll tell you anything you need to know."
It cost me $20 Canadian, that was $16 US, and it was a good deal. It's a big book, with over 500 pages of good advice, useful information, inspiring stories, and little exercises you can do. I didn't follow everything to the letter, because I'm just not like that, but there was plenty in there for me to think about and do. I'm not too fond of his dieting advice, but I do pay attention to what I eat now, knowing healthy food is the best fuel.
Another thing I really like about this book is the best quotes are written in bold. When I was in detox, and my eyesight was too poor to see fine print, I was able to go through the whole book, reading only the parts I could see.
It's on my coffee table right now. I can see "The past doesn't equal the future" and "All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs". This is just from where the book fell open. Now that I have it out, I think I will read the bold print parts again. It's very inspiring. Seven years later and I'm still referring back to it from time to time.
I checked in with myself at the one year point. I was still broke but I was certainly more successful than I was, I was happy, and I wasn't dying anymore.
I learned success isn't just about money. Money is good, but so is health, relationships, self esteem, contribution, and happiness.
Today Mr. Robbins isn't such a huge part of my life anymore. I learned all that could be useful, then moved on to other teachers to find out what they have that works. Quite frankly, I'm not that thrilled with what Tony's up to today. I think his old stuff is better. Awaken the Giant Within is, in my humble opinion, his best work.
My life is not yet perfect. I still have a little bit of fibromyalgia and essential tremor left over, but nothing compared to what it once was. I have regained full use of the right side of my body. I am sober. I live in a lovely little cottage by the beach, a vast improvement over the where I once lived. I have a loving relationship with my family. I have a YouTube channel that helps a lot of people. I like myself. I'm not wealthy, after some changes at YouTube I'm still earning slightly less than my monthly expenses, but I'm certainly better off than I was, my income is slowly increasing, and I am feeling hopeful about the future. If you do buy a copy of this book, I will earn a small commission and this would be very helpful.
I highly recommend Awaken the Giant Within, not just to those who are in a terrible place, but to anyone who would like to enjoy more success in anything they would like to be successful in.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
The 5 Fs of Anxiety: Fight Flight Freeze Feed and Fornicate
Are You Sure You Know What Anxiety Really Is?
I'm often surprised when I talk to people about their anxiety, and they have a good grasp of what their symptoms are, but they don't seem to know much about what is causing them. Some may already know it is their anxious thoughts, but that is only part of the equation. The physical symptoms of anxiety are caused by a misguided fight or flight response. It's instinct. If we were animals we may be stuck this way, but we are lucky to be human and able to use our knowledge and will to retrain our instincts. This is a good thing because I don't think any of us would like to be stuck with anxiety forever.
Before I go further, I would like to rename the fight or flight response to the five Fs; fight, flight, freeze, feed, and fornicate. Please allow me to explain further.
Most people with anxiety recognize the flight response first. They become fearful and avoid or leave situations.
A lot of people with anger management issues don't realize their outbursts of temper are really anxiety attacks.
I think freeze is easy enough to understand, if you have ever been expected to speak in front of a crowd, only to have your mouth refuse to move. Ever gone quiet, afraid to speak or move in a social situation? Freezing can be mistaken for depression. Someone is so afraid of failure, the just stay still and do nothing at all.
Feeding is easy to spot if you are prone to anxiety eating, but I'm also going to throw most addictions into this basket. There once was a time, long, long ago when it was a good survival mechanism to load up on food if the future looked uncertain. Today this can manifest itself as the need to satisfy any hunger, whether it be natural or substance induced.
I've been laughed at for mentioning this last one. I'm sticking to my guns. I've seen it over and over, and lived it a few times myself. If you were an evolving human many thousands of years ago, in an unsafe environment, wouldn't it make good sense to mate? Sex forms strong instinctive bonds. People would fight or even die for the right mate. Wouldn't that up your chances of survival? Nowadays this can show up as getting into bad relationships, promiscuity, sex addiction, relationship addiction, inability to be single, hyper dependence, excessive jealousy, possessiveness, and all manner of other romantic problems.
It's helpful to know what your instinctive reactions are. Do you get angry, afraid, depressed, addicted, fall in love with the wrong person, or engage in sexual activity you are not very happy about? If you just answered "all of the above", that's okay, you are not alone. Once you have spotted your instinctive anxiety reactions, you can be happy you have this higher mind and will. This is what you have to start making those changes you would like to make.
You can trade in your insecure thoughts for secure ones, and practise this ahead of time, so it becomes habit. You can also pay attention to your body and feel these visceral responses, as they occur, and learn how to not only think a more secure thought, but take control of your physiology, by consciously breathing slow, deep, and even, like a relaxed person would breathe. Consciously relaxing your stomach muscles, and some other ones as well, like your hands. Consciously use your will to direct your muscles, on the outside also. "I use my will to direct my muscles to get up and..." or "I use my will to direct my muscles to sit down and....." please fill in the blanks with what you think is the next right thing to do, or that thing you are about to do but know you shouldn't. If you would like to have fun with this, you can think of your will as your own magic super power. "With my almighty will I command my muscles to move me out of bed and towards the kitchen!" Once you are in the kitchen, you may have a maniacal laugh, like you are about to take over the world. If you are able to laugh and be a little silly, you get x1000 extra bonus speed points towards your recovery.
Remember you are in charge now. Sit, stand, and walk like a confident person. It sends a message to yourself you've got this. It takes time and patience to retrain an anxiety response. Think of yourself as a loving parent to yourself. You will be kind, not push too hard, and not let yourself totally off the hook either. You will love yourself, expect setbacks, but be ready to regroup and try something a little easier next time. Keep your eyes on the prize and remember the payoff. Freedom to comfortably live your life how you choose, and become who you were really meant to be.
This video is here just in case you have never tried sleep hypnosis for anxiety. It is another thing you can try to help you learn to calm down, relax, and feel good, while you go to sleep, and after you get up as well.
I'm often surprised when I talk to people about their anxiety, and they have a good grasp of what their symptoms are, but they don't seem to know much about what is causing them. Some may already know it is their anxious thoughts, but that is only part of the equation. The physical symptoms of anxiety are caused by a misguided fight or flight response. It's instinct. If we were animals we may be stuck this way, but we are lucky to be human and able to use our knowledge and will to retrain our instincts. This is a good thing because I don't think any of us would like to be stuck with anxiety forever.
Before I go further, I would like to rename the fight or flight response to the five Fs; fight, flight, freeze, feed, and fornicate. Please allow me to explain further.
Most people with anxiety recognize the flight response first. They become fearful and avoid or leave situations.
A lot of people with anger management issues don't realize their outbursts of temper are really anxiety attacks.
I think freeze is easy enough to understand, if you have ever been expected to speak in front of a crowd, only to have your mouth refuse to move. Ever gone quiet, afraid to speak or move in a social situation? Freezing can be mistaken for depression. Someone is so afraid of failure, the just stay still and do nothing at all.
Feeding is easy to spot if you are prone to anxiety eating, but I'm also going to throw most addictions into this basket. There once was a time, long, long ago when it was a good survival mechanism to load up on food if the future looked uncertain. Today this can manifest itself as the need to satisfy any hunger, whether it be natural or substance induced.
I've been laughed at for mentioning this last one. I'm sticking to my guns. I've seen it over and over, and lived it a few times myself. If you were an evolving human many thousands of years ago, in an unsafe environment, wouldn't it make good sense to mate? Sex forms strong instinctive bonds. People would fight or even die for the right mate. Wouldn't that up your chances of survival? Nowadays this can show up as getting into bad relationships, promiscuity, sex addiction, relationship addiction, inability to be single, hyper dependence, excessive jealousy, possessiveness, and all manner of other romantic problems.
It's helpful to know what your instinctive reactions are. Do you get angry, afraid, depressed, addicted, fall in love with the wrong person, or engage in sexual activity you are not very happy about? If you just answered "all of the above", that's okay, you are not alone. Once you have spotted your instinctive anxiety reactions, you can be happy you have this higher mind and will. This is what you have to start making those changes you would like to make.
You can trade in your insecure thoughts for secure ones, and practise this ahead of time, so it becomes habit. You can also pay attention to your body and feel these visceral responses, as they occur, and learn how to not only think a more secure thought, but take control of your physiology, by consciously breathing slow, deep, and even, like a relaxed person would breathe. Consciously relaxing your stomach muscles, and some other ones as well, like your hands. Consciously use your will to direct your muscles, on the outside also. "I use my will to direct my muscles to get up and..." or "I use my will to direct my muscles to sit down and....." please fill in the blanks with what you think is the next right thing to do, or that thing you are about to do but know you shouldn't. If you would like to have fun with this, you can think of your will as your own magic super power. "With my almighty will I command my muscles to move me out of bed and towards the kitchen!" Once you are in the kitchen, you may have a maniacal laugh, like you are about to take over the world. If you are able to laugh and be a little silly, you get x1000 extra bonus speed points towards your recovery.
Remember you are in charge now. Sit, stand, and walk like a confident person. It sends a message to yourself you've got this. It takes time and patience to retrain an anxiety response. Think of yourself as a loving parent to yourself. You will be kind, not push too hard, and not let yourself totally off the hook either. You will love yourself, expect setbacks, but be ready to regroup and try something a little easier next time. Keep your eyes on the prize and remember the payoff. Freedom to comfortably live your life how you choose, and become who you were really meant to be.
This video is here just in case you have never tried sleep hypnosis for anxiety. It is another thing you can try to help you learn to calm down, relax, and feel good, while you go to sleep, and after you get up as well.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Some Very Important Questions You Need To Answer About Your Depression
Before, after, or if you listen to this recording, you may like to ask yourself these very important questions about your depression. I found these extremely helpful on my journey out of the darkness and into the light. I've heard you have to name it to tame it, and keeping track of your progress can give you the important feedback you need to know what's working for you, and what is best left behind.
So here are the questions; How often? How long? How deep or severe? and How much damage are you doing to yourself and others while it is happening? (I know, that last one is a toughy, but please do not despair, it has a happier answer than you may think.
Back in the day, I would have answered these questions this way. Almost all of the time, for several years, I've lost the will to live, the only thing keeping me alive is I don't want the kids to see the body, and I'm drinking myself to death, ruining my health, and traumatizing my children. Ouch! That was painful. I'm so glad that is so long gone behind me, but I needed to say it to illustrate how bad things can get. If you do answer these questions honestly, and you don't have to right now if it is too painful, you can wait till you are feeling better, because then it will be more encouraging, because you will have made some progress, please know this is your bottom, your pivot point, where you turn around, and sometimes two steps forward and one back, start going in a new and exciting direction.
If you are waiting to feel better before you take your self assessment, you could just do it this way for now. You can answer these questions as if you have already gotten past your depression and are living a happy and productive life. If you do, as you answer the questions, try to feel the way you would feel if this were true for you today. Your brain chemistry is not very good at telling the difference between what is real or imagined so this is an excellent way to reward yourself in advance for all of the good things you are about to do.
Here are my answers for today. About once every six months, for a few hours, it sits on the surface like a feeling of restless discontent, and I very quickly notice this is how I am feeling and take steps to put myself straight that are of great benefit to myself and others. Yay! That's certainly much more fun.
There are people in the world who are genetically programed for joy and will be happy in any situation, and then there are the rest of us, who have to work at it. That's okay. It can be happy, fun work, an exciting adventure into your own mind, body, and spirit. Winning is good, and you can win.
This first video for self healing help is what I hope to be the first of many that will provide a cohesive system of self help that will help you change the answers to the before mentioned questions so you too can be free. I would like to include sleep hypnosis videos, because they are a good idea, but also short morning meditations, things you can listen to in the daytime while doing other things, and maybe even a workbook where you can track your progress, and try out exercises to see which ones work best for you. I also might include some fun little bits to fluff, here and there, to lighten up the mood.
I'm very excited about this. It feels like a new direction to me, as I remember the time many years ago when I shouted out to I-don't-know-what "If I ever get free of this, I will dedicate my life to making sure no other human being ever has to feel what I am feeling right now." Lofty goal, to be sure, so for now I will just keep climbing the mountain with you, one step at at a time, and know if one person feels even a little bit better, I'm having a great day.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Why Bother With Downloads?
The most obvious answer is it is a cheap, easy way to have one of my recordings available to you, commercial free, any time you would like, or anywhere you have something to play it on. If you don't like this idea, that's perfectly okay, I'll still be making my recordings available for free on YouTube for as long as they will let me. They're pretty happy with me right now, so I'm guessing that will be for a long time.
Another good reason why you may like to purchase one of these inexpensive recordings is the vast majority of this revenue goes to me, and I use this money to take care of my expenses, like pay off the credit card bill for the mini home recording studio setup I just bought, so you can enjoy better quality sound. If you are reading this right now, you are probably helping me with this, and I thank you, because I'm having so much fun learning to use this new toy. I spend many, many hours listening to my own sound as I'm editing, and I also like to listen while I fall asleep sometimes too. I know I'm much happier hearing this nicer new sound. I'm sure a few others will feel the same way.
I have included a link in this post to buy my newest recording, Sleep Hypnosis for Depression Self Healing Help, from the CDBaby music store. I've been dealing with them for years and like this company. (unpaid endorsement) If downloads aren't your thing, or you would like to hear the whole thing first to make sure you like it, you can listen to this on YouTube for free, in a few days.
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/jodywhiteley14
Another good reason why you may like to purchase one of these inexpensive recordings is the vast majority of this revenue goes to me, and I use this money to take care of my expenses, like pay off the credit card bill for the mini home recording studio setup I just bought, so you can enjoy better quality sound. If you are reading this right now, you are probably helping me with this, and I thank you, because I'm having so much fun learning to use this new toy. I spend many, many hours listening to my own sound as I'm editing, and I also like to listen while I fall asleep sometimes too. I know I'm much happier hearing this nicer new sound. I'm sure a few others will feel the same way.
I have included a link in this post to buy my newest recording, Sleep Hypnosis for Depression Self Healing Help, from the CDBaby music store. I've been dealing with them for years and like this company. (unpaid endorsement) If downloads aren't your thing, or you would like to hear the whole thing first to make sure you like it, you can listen to this on YouTube for free, in a few days.
http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/jodywhiteley14
Sunday, July 24, 2016
What Is Depression?
What is depression?
I would define it as happiness deficit disorder.
I don't think it makes much of a difference whether you have wet depression, where you cry, or dry depression, where you feel nothing at all and are emotionally dehydrated. Either way, you are not happy, and would probably like to feel better.
How did you get this way?
People can become depressed for a variety of reasons, and what made you this way is not as important as what you can do to feel better, but for curiosity sake, I'm going to talk about a few here.
First of all you probably have a hereditary predisposition towards depression, and if you think this is the case, please do not despair. No, seriously, don't, it will only make it worse. Some people are born to be happy go lucky individuals with a generally optimistic outlook, who don't stay down for too long if things don't go their way, and then there are the rest of us who have to work at it and learn how to be happy on purpose.
I am part of the latter group and can tell you first hand depression is no longer a problem for me and I am a happy person. I'm also not special. Millions of people have overcome this painful disorder and are living happy and productive lives today. You could be one of them.
You may also be depressed due to a trigger, like a loss or other bad thing that you didn't like. It showed up as a normal reaction, dug in, and stayed. Ouch. The good news is there are ways to become unstuck.
I also think some people become depressed because they have become bored. They have stopped growing, changing, reaching, achieving, and are stuck in a rut. A rut can be safe. It can also be slowly killing your soul. Anxiety can play a role in this. I will be addressing anxiety in future posts.
So what do you do about it?
There are lots of things that can be done and some of them I will not talk about here. I will not discuss medication because I'm not a doctor, I'm not qualified, and I don't know much about your individual situation. I am medication free, except for a very occasional St. John's wort, and I'll leave your choices about medication up to you.
I also can't tell you much about individual or group therapy. For some people this is a life saver, and for others it does more harm than good. My own experience was these helps seemed to want to focus more on disease than wellness, and feeling better was viewed with a jaundiced eye at best, discouraged somewhere in the middle, and at it's worst, I was angrily dumped by a therapist for getting well. You may have a better counsellor than this.
Addiction is also another topic, but I will add that once I was less depressed and had trusted tools for feeling better, I was able to quit drinking.
So what am I going to talk about?
I'm going to talk about the things I did to beat my depression and become a happy, relaxed, person who is having a really good time. I would like to talk about things like hypnosis, meditation, cognitive behavioural therapy that works, not the kind that doesn't, things you can do for your physical brain to make it healthier so it can function at it's best, spirituality for people who believe in god, and spirituality for atheists, because they shouldn't miss out on the fun and shouldn't be forced to believe in something they don't to join in. This list can go on and on. Basically it's about anything I've found to work to help people feel better.
As you may have already guessed this little blurb I am writing is an introduction to the work I will be doing over the next several months. My statistics at YouTube, and the personal stories I have read at YT and at Facebook, all lead me to believe that putting together a cohesive system of help for depression, anxiety, self confidence, and emotional healing would be putting myself to my highest and best use.
It is my sincerest hope that you will come with me on this journey, taking and using what you find useful, and discarding that which is not for you. Wish me luck and I'm sending warm wishes you feel better soon if you are depressed, or continue to feel happy if that is where you are right now.
Peace out, love to all, bye for now.
I would define it as happiness deficit disorder.
I don't think it makes much of a difference whether you have wet depression, where you cry, or dry depression, where you feel nothing at all and are emotionally dehydrated. Either way, you are not happy, and would probably like to feel better.
How did you get this way?
People can become depressed for a variety of reasons, and what made you this way is not as important as what you can do to feel better, but for curiosity sake, I'm going to talk about a few here.
First of all you probably have a hereditary predisposition towards depression, and if you think this is the case, please do not despair. No, seriously, don't, it will only make it worse. Some people are born to be happy go lucky individuals with a generally optimistic outlook, who don't stay down for too long if things don't go their way, and then there are the rest of us who have to work at it and learn how to be happy on purpose.
I am part of the latter group and can tell you first hand depression is no longer a problem for me and I am a happy person. I'm also not special. Millions of people have overcome this painful disorder and are living happy and productive lives today. You could be one of them.
You may also be depressed due to a trigger, like a loss or other bad thing that you didn't like. It showed up as a normal reaction, dug in, and stayed. Ouch. The good news is there are ways to become unstuck.
I also think some people become depressed because they have become bored. They have stopped growing, changing, reaching, achieving, and are stuck in a rut. A rut can be safe. It can also be slowly killing your soul. Anxiety can play a role in this. I will be addressing anxiety in future posts.
So what do you do about it?
There are lots of things that can be done and some of them I will not talk about here. I will not discuss medication because I'm not a doctor, I'm not qualified, and I don't know much about your individual situation. I am medication free, except for a very occasional St. John's wort, and I'll leave your choices about medication up to you.
I also can't tell you much about individual or group therapy. For some people this is a life saver, and for others it does more harm than good. My own experience was these helps seemed to want to focus more on disease than wellness, and feeling better was viewed with a jaundiced eye at best, discouraged somewhere in the middle, and at it's worst, I was angrily dumped by a therapist for getting well. You may have a better counsellor than this.
Addiction is also another topic, but I will add that once I was less depressed and had trusted tools for feeling better, I was able to quit drinking.
So what am I going to talk about?
I'm going to talk about the things I did to beat my depression and become a happy, relaxed, person who is having a really good time. I would like to talk about things like hypnosis, meditation, cognitive behavioural therapy that works, not the kind that doesn't, things you can do for your physical brain to make it healthier so it can function at it's best, spirituality for people who believe in god, and spirituality for atheists, because they shouldn't miss out on the fun and shouldn't be forced to believe in something they don't to join in. This list can go on and on. Basically it's about anything I've found to work to help people feel better.
As you may have already guessed this little blurb I am writing is an introduction to the work I will be doing over the next several months. My statistics at YouTube, and the personal stories I have read at YT and at Facebook, all lead me to believe that putting together a cohesive system of help for depression, anxiety, self confidence, and emotional healing would be putting myself to my highest and best use.
It is my sincerest hope that you will come with me on this journey, taking and using what you find useful, and discarding that which is not for you. Wish me luck and I'm sending warm wishes you feel better soon if you are depressed, or continue to feel happy if that is where you are right now.
Peace out, love to all, bye for now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)